Chivalry is dead

These days, it seems safe to assume any news that begins with the word “Arizona” is not good news. And here’s an anecdotal news story to back up my completely arbitrary claim:

Allies Of Lawless Rancher Planned To Put Women ‘Up At The Front’ If Showdown With Feds Turned Violent 

ThinkProgress reports:

An uprising of militia members who were planning an “armed response” to federal enforcement of trespassing law ended peacefully Saturday after the Bureau of Land Management stopped rounding up cattle that a federal judge found have been illegally grazed on federal land for years.

But some allies of rancher Cliven Bundy were prepared to make as much of a media spectacle as possible if violence were to erupt, saying they would put women on the front lines in the event federal officials turned to deadly force. Former Arizona Sheriff Richard Mack told Fox News Monday, as reported by the Blaze:


“We were actually strategizing to put all the women up at the front. If they are going to start shooting, it’s going to be women that are going to be televised all across the world getting shot by these rogue federal officers.”


Christ, what an asshole.

Dr. Sanjay Gupta: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Ebola

Ebolavirus is deceptively simple. A mere seven proteins surround and comprise a filamentous capsid, which houses its archaic genetic material: a single strand of non-segmented RNA. Yet, treatment — much less a cure — for the hemorrhagic fever Ebola engenders in humans and primates continues to elude us. Of those unfortunate enough to contract the virus, 50% to 90% will die, and there’s literally nothing we can do to help them.

If the raw numbers don’t frighten you, the symptoms sure as shit will. Ebola — like all Filoviridae — is extremely virulent; a few particles are enough to spark a full-blown infection. Injecting itself into a host cell and hijacking its reproductive proteins and organelles, the virus begins cranking out copies of itself at an exponential rate. When the host cell can no longer contain the replicated virus particles, it bursts. The released particles infect other cells, and the process continues. The mass destruction of tissues causes severe hemorrhaging. In infected persons, the lining of the stomach and intestines are sloughed off, and the victim to begins to vomit and defecate blood boiling hot with Ebola particles. The connective tissues beneath the muscles are eaten away, and without such moorings, the muscle and skin of the face droop cartoonishly from the skull. Weakened veins and capillaries break apart with the slightest pressure, making the administration of intravenous drugs or nourishment, or blood transfusions, a dubious proposition. The surface of the tongue peels off. The whites of the eyes, ravaged by the virus, turn blood red. The body bleeds at such an incredible rate its clotting agents are unable to keep up with demand. Most infected persons die of hypovolemic shock within 10 days of becoming symptomatic. It is a horrible, painful, and humiliating way to go. The only silver lining — and it is admittedly a stretch to call it that — is that the virus attacks the brain and body in equal measure. By the time an infected person crashes and bleeds out, he or she is essentially brain dead. Continue reading

Sorry doesn’t cut it, Francis

Pope Francis has something to say about the Church’s pattern of sexual abuse: he’s sorry.

“I feel compelled to personally take on all the evil which some priests — quite a few in number, obviously not compared to the number of all the priests — to personally ask for forgiveness for the damage they have done for having sexually abused children,” the Pope said in remarks quoted by Vatican Radio.

Francophilia Continue reading

The Ultimate Warrior: A Fuckeulogy

Professional wrestler WARRIOR, born James Brian Hellwig, passed away yesterday at the young but hardly surprising age of 54. Though he adopted various stage names throughout his illustrious career, such as Blade Runner Rock, Dingo Warrior, and James “Justice” Hellwig, he is best known for his brief-yet-profitable stint with the WWF, where he was known as THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR. A paragon of early 1990s sex appeal, WARRIOR was what every six-to-thirteen-year-old boy wanted to be: a spandex-clad, grease-painted muscle man, hair drenched in equal parts sweat and AquaNet, his little sister’s neon pink bicycle streamers strapped to his masculine triceps.


You can never have too many bicycle streamers tied to your arms.

Continue reading

CPAC Gems: Dinesh D’Souza

I realize this is the CPAC we’re talking about here, but you’d think they’d be a little a leery of handing a suspected fraudster like Dinesh D’Souza the fucking microphone.

Then again, if you’re willing let Chris Christie speak, you may as well give all the other criminals a go as well.

And Dinesh’s time wasn’t wasted. Here he explains his theory of taxation:

For the record, Dinesh D’Souza isn’t a dumb man. He just plays one on TV.

CPAC Gems: Chris Christie

Governors Bobby Jindal and Chris Christie aren’t happy with the national GOP, chiefly their unwillingness or inability to be proactive.

Christie says:

“Republican governors have stood up and done things, not just talked about them,”

Yeah. Just look at all the “things” Christie has managed to do. Like barking insults at teachers and veterans, traffic-fucking opponents and using hurricane relief money to extort political favors.

CPAC Gems: Mike Lee

Well, the 2014 CPAC is well underway, and the GOP’s top minds — men like Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Marco Rubio — have taken center stage to share with us all their well-conceived plans for a better America.

Utah’s junior senator Mike Lee has it all worked out:

“It’s time to stop talking like Ronald Reagan and start acting like him,”

In other words, “Let’s do the same shit we’ve been doing for the past three decades and hope for different results!”